I’m back!!!!! As I was walking this morning through my neighborhood, I knew that I was supposed to share something today. I told you in my last post that I felt the nudge to be more TRANSPARENT and VULNERABLE with you all. So, here I am..and I hope this post blesses you.
There is a part of me that still struggles with insecurity at times. Thank goodness, it is nothing like before. BUT, every now and then..I listen to the negative voice instead of the voice of my Father God. That is backwards my friends..I should be able to hear God better than the enemy.
For many years, I struggled with feeling like I fit in. If you have known me a long time, you may not even know that about me. Why? Because, I hid it. Or, I tried to hide it.
Even up until a little over 2 years ago, the thought of going to a function with my husband (you know, the ones that you have to mingle and actually “talk” to people at) would make me sick to my stomach.
Those who didn’t know me well may have thought I was a snob. Why? Because, I don’t hide my feelings well. I am sure I looked miserable. I just felt like I wasn’t good enough..and why in the world would they want to talk to me?
It was a MISERABLE place to be in…feeling “out of place”. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t feel comfortable like everybody else.
Then…it hit me…THEY MAY NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE EITHER. Or, maybe they do.
I was so shy, that even speaking to people as I walked past, was nearly impossible. Most of the time, I would just look down or away. Appearing..snobbish. Not at all who I really am.
After coming to CrossPointe Valdosta, I began to grow so much in my relationship with God. I came to the realization that I had only scratched the surface of the relationship I could have with my Savior. I had been lukewarm. Saved at a very young age…baptized at age 18…serving…teaching…but still, just lukewarm.
Praise Jesus! God wooed me to Himself. I fell in love with my Savior. I began to grow and God began to change me. I realized that I had never fully surrendered to HIM. I had been living a life of trying to be good and follow all the “rules”. I realized through teaching and preaching at CrossPointe, what a REAL relationship with Christ Jesus is! I went from lukewarm to ON FIRE for God! Surrendered and filled with Jesus!
I have a desire to speak to EVERYBODY now! I LOVE meeting new people now! I no longer dread “get-togethers”! I LOVE them! The only explanation is GOD!
2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV) ~ For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
God is LOVE. I now can truly say that it is GOD that is loving on people through me. It is God that is making me lift my hand and smile and wave or speak to strangers! In fact, the other morning as I was taking my girls to school, I waved at a car that was driving by. My daughter said: “Momma, who was that?” My reply:”I don’t know baby..I just felt like waving and being nice.” It happens ALOT.
1 John 4:16 ~ And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.
Listen, I still get called to get out of my comfort zone. In fact, at our women’s retreat, I was asked to be in charge of the Icebreakers. No problem..and then on the day of, I find out that I had to get on stage with a MICROPHONE to explain them, etc.. YIKES! That old voice of insecurity popped up…“Who do you think you are doing that? You can’t do that..That’s not you..” Guess what I did?! I told that voice (which, by the way, IS the enemy) to GET THEE BEHIND ME & Be quiet!
You know what? I loved every single minute up on that stage! It was a blast! If I had not stepped out of my comfort zone then I would have never known how much fun it could be!
There are other times when that voice of insecurity pops up. Yes, sometimes I do listen to it. Then, through His merciful ways, He reminds me that I am HIS and that through Him I have overcome. I’m not who I once was…and by HIS mercy and grace I am moving daily in the direction He wants me to be. It is a conscious choice..a daily battle that we are in. To stand firm in GOD and keep moving forward. Persevering. Growing. Changing. Like a caterpillar..a Beautiful Metamorphosis.
I am so very thankful for the real relationship I now have with my Savior. My Jesus. My Heavenly Father and Best Friend. It IS REAL and if you feel loved by me..just know that it is God loving you through me.
I have to ask, Do you know my Jesus? Do you need to train yourself to listen to God’s voice, instead of the enemy’s voice that speaks insecurity and negativity?
I promise to continue to “BE REAL” with you all. Share with you again real soon! Blessings!
UNTIL NEXT TIME,