A LETTER TO MY DADDY

Psalm 84:10a (NIV) ~ Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere. 

It’s been one year since I’ve seen your face, your smile, and felt your hugs. One year since I have heard you say “I love you”, or been able to ask you for advice, or just sit with you and visit. The longest and shortest year of my life. Time is a funny thing. Seems like just yesterday and at the same time feels like forever.

One whole year that you’ve been in the presence of our Savior Jesus. One year of eternity for you and feels like 100 years for us. But, I rejoice in knowing that even if you could, you wouldn’t want to be on this earth again. Because heaven, it’s so much better. So today I will try to rejoice more than I mourn…I’ll try my hardest for you. Because I know that you lived while you were here. You really lived. Even through struggles and bad health, you lived life to the fullest. You lived fully and loved deeply.

So each day I will choose to honor your memory with living. Even when it is so very hard.

Because really, each day on this earth, we are either living or dying.

I choose joy. I choose life. That’s what you chose. When you suffered deep loss, you still chose to live fully and love deeply.

So as much as I do grieve and mourn and have mourned the loss of you…and watched everyone else mourn too…I hope that I can live the rest of my days the way that you lived yours. Living not Dying. And really, you are more alive now than you ever were here. You are with JESUS. And what better place to be. So while our feelings are real and our hurts are deep, I pray that I honor your life by living and bring glory to God in the process.

Each holiday or birthday or event that is a first without you…we dread those days..and really, I have found that it is the day after that it hits me the hardest. Except this big one. It hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday. The anxiety rolled in on a huge wave yesterday morning, the day before. I didn’t choose joy immediately. I had to remind myself that God was enough at that very moment just as he has been every single moment throughout this journey of grief. And you know what got me through? Remembering that God is my strength. My ever-present help. My refuge. My rock. Thank you for bringing me up in church and modeling Jesus for me.

Psalm 46:1 (NIV) ~ God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

And I will see you again. Because heaven is my home and I am just passing through. This life is a gift and it can be beautiful and I choose joy. Just like you. Maybe not immediately, but I am trying. As you used to say when I asked you if you were having a good day : “Every day is a good day.” So while the ache is deep and always there, my hope and prayer is to live fully and love deeply and SHINE Jesus while I am here. Living like “Every day is a good day.”

Always ….

Love,