It struck me, as I was thinking on The Mended Heart bible study that I’m doing, and I asked God to peel back the layers. To show me “me” and to unearth the things that I’ve covered up in order to live “normally”. He wants to heal me completely. To peel back each layer and toss away the hidden junk that keeps me stuck. And he wants to do the same for you.
I think I have a fear of failure. Yes. There. I said it. Or maybe it’s called something else. I get these wild ideas and want to do something great and then feel like I can’t. So I don’t.
I get asked to do something and turn it down because “who me?” Nobody would show up if it’s me.
May go all the way back to a 5th grade pool party. I really thought that was no biggie. I invited lots of friends and my mom and I made snacks or bought them.. We had it all set up. And one person came with her mom (a new friend to be at a new school that I would be going to come August) and one of my old faithful childhood best friends. Two people. 2. And me and the mom and my momma.
Now don’t go feeling all sorry for me. I’m serious! Because the three of us had a blast! We swam and played and ate. Lots of snacks for us. And if you know me you know I like to eat.
And maybe I covered up my sadness then too. I’m sure I did. But I’ve never forgotten that only 2 showed up and one because she had to. Haha!
Who knows why.. Could have been that the kids didn’t tell their parents or could’ve been that they just didn’t want to come. Could have been that I didn’t give them enough notice.
I still had fun.
But I’ve never forgotten that day. And when I lead a study or have a get together, in the back of my mind is “I wonder if anyone will come?”
But they did. All those years ago. There were 2. And they made an impact on me.
So, when I have a dream.. And it seems out of reach … I still have to fight that little voice saying ” nobody will care.. Nobody will read it.. Nobody will come..You don’t matter.”
That’s the voice of the enemy. He loves to take our weak places and magnify them with negative thoughts.
My God says that I matter. He says that you matter. My God says that even just one person can make a lasting impact.
He says that if HE puts that dream in my head and heart that HE will strengthen me and equip me to carry it out.
Thoughts to ponder:
What dreams are you shoving away and hiding because of fear?
Who can you impact by simply being there?
What are you afraid to do and will you choose to believe that God equips you?
What might you need to peel and toss?
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7 NLT)
One More Thing…
As I continue to ask God to peel back the layers, some of the layers are painful. Some sting a little. But I know it’s for a greater good. To heal.
I’ve come to realize that covering up things with a bandaid only means that they will inevitably resurface.
Got to peel and toss in order to heal.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. (Psalms 139:23-24 NLT)
Until Next Time…